Dating/Sex black

Published on November 22nd, 2013 | by Rose


10 Reasons Why I Find Dating a Man from another Race A Turn Off

(Editor’s Note) The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not represent those of ‘’. We do not promote any kind of discrimination whatsoever, and the article should only serve for constrictive discussions. Also, please take into account the fact that the author is from Mombasa, Kenya, and comes from a certain background. You will find this background story at the end of the article.

Let me start off by saying that I will not give an apology to anyone who is offended by this somewhat weird behavior that I seem to exude. Instead I feel that people should know the negatives before plunging into a toxic relationship. I do not know the art of holding people hostage and even now I will not do it. Dating people from another race to me is such a turnoff that I just get past them so fast and let them pursue their life dreams.

I think am just open and would love to give people a slice of my experience and thoughts towards this albeit a controversial topic. I will not be biased but I will just speak it the way it is; love it or loathe it. Racial distinctiveness to me has never made much sense partially because I feel I have so much in my head than to sit and imagine what it would feel like to date a man from another race. I think to me that is a secondary issue. It just pisses me off for real!

I know how romantic they could be but here are my up-close and personal reasons why I feel the whole issue sucks and by the way this list is not exhaustive.

1. My Self Assessment Says No

Before I get into a relationship, I usually take time like any sweet girl to think about it and evaluate my readiness for it. In each of those times, whenever I think of the issue of dating a man from another race, I just feel uneasy. It drains my energy, erodes my courage and bends my values. I feel that it is not it and yes it is not right. My value system just opposes the whole story and I am one who deeply trusts my instincts. I don’t enjoy the family scorn and the public scrutiny …I just love living my life away from the public eye. I do not want to be a token of diversity…not me.

2. Family Uneasiness

Family ridicule and name calling can be terrible. Unlike others who seem to be immune from family scorn and ridicule, I am the exact opposite I do at times fall a victim of such negativity. I try to avoid anything that leads me to such a path and that is why I find it so irritating having an interracial relationship. This is a personal decision and I know it may make me look stupid…but it was never said that it has to be objective anyway; it is my opinion.

3. I Hate Unfamiliarity

I am one sort of a person who feels that it is wrong to fall for someone you are not even familiar with. In this context I find dating a guy from another race sucking. Leave alone how they kiss or the size of their manhood this is besides the issue. I just feel unfamiliar in a much bigger context that this…their traditions, their family line, the way they treat people and all that. It makes me feel like am plunging into a deep pit with no end. Am one sort of a person who enjoys being in situations where I am in total control.

4. The Public Spectacle

Many people may have never noticed it but I dislike being the public talk. I think this partially explains why I never became a celebrity. I just find it inappropriate for my name to be in the lips of everyone. Within my system, I have always believed that having interracial relationships is one of the surest ways of being a topic in public. I cannot ignore what people say to me particularly words like “so you are the girlfriend” with an inquisitive kind of stance. I don’t like that and I hate it and this has made me to detest the whole racial thing. I want to be comfortable about my lover and shirking away is never my thing.

5. I Do Not Want To Be Labeled a ‘Sellout’

I know it is sad but I did not choose to come from a minority race. Surprisingly I find myself at times overly confident while other times I become so down and low. I have heard stories of people who marry guys from other races and they are called names I cannot imagine myself being called. From a personal perspective I have never seen that as much of a problem until it happened right under my nose. One of the aunties I cherish went through some rough times in her interracial marriage and I just felt that I did not want to go that way too. I have resisted every kind of such approaches before and up to know I hate such interracial arrangements.

6. I Think I Just Love Stereotypes

This is not a conclusion but a feeling that has established root within me. I feel that at times I judge people unfairly or I lump them together based on a certain thought line. I may be either wrong or right in this but it has contributed significantly to me hating other races in general. In most of my decisions about stereotypes, I have found myself to be a direct opposite trying to point to others that they are wrong and all that.  I however feel strongly within me that I could be in the stereotyping game after all in a rather unconscious way.

7. Fetish vs. Obsession

In the area of love, I hate guesswork and playing with feelings. When I think of dating guys from another race, I have this feeling of obsession. I feel as if I love them because of their color and how they look as opposed to their values and who they really are. This has made me keep off from such relationships because really I do not know where to draw the line between love and obsession. I have this feeling that when I get into such relationships I will get carried away and the moment I know it I will be so far away from self consciousness that I cannot possibly recover.

8. Am Not Ready For the Social Learning Curve

Interracial relationships require that you learn from one another meaning you need to be ready for that. As for me I just feel that am not ready for such kind of social learning, I like keeping what I already have and maybe getting one or two extra skills for economic gains and that is all. It’s not about insensitivity but I feel that am not prepared to dig into other people’s racial backgrounds in the name of love. I know am kinda limiting myself but I feel that is a part of me that I cannot let go.

9. The Fear of the Unknown

I have battled with this for such a long time. I just feel that at times I could be right. What bolsters these thoughts at times is the fact that I fear something and then it comes to happen. This gives me confidence that my instincts could be right. I usually fear that interracial marriages especially where am involved; I have feelings that it may not work and instead things may just move from bad to worse. It is this fear that makes me avoid interracial marriage set ups.

10. I Know My Ultimate Desires

I believe that I am of age and I know what I want from a relationship. My ideal romantic life does not picture any racial matrimony anywhere. I think I have also made up my mind that I just want to settle with a man from my race. No offence intended.

Interracial marriage to me is therefore a complete turnoff for these reasons and others that I will continue sharing with you. I don’t wanna influence you to follow my path but am just sharing what I think could as well be helpful to you as you make up your mind. There are elements of objectivity and subjectivity intertwined in all this so tread carefully.


My Background

I was born and raised in the coastal city of Mombasa in Kenya. Growing up in the cosmopolitan coastal city influenced significantly my way of thinking and reasoning. As it is the norm in such a context where the rich and mighty come to visit and have fun, young girls flock around to literally exchange anything including sex for money.

Though I come from a well off family, my childhood friends and the large social neighborhood influenced me into engaging in early relationships though not for money but rather to ascertain my ego, womanhood and just be like the rest. Due to my African racial origin, I have been conditioned to think of people from other races as opportunists. I have seen interracial marriages crumble before my very own eyes; some of them even involved my blood relatives. This has contributed significantly to my belief that such marriages are based on fantasy and can never last.

Later on while I was at the university, I formed a movement that stood for the rights of other girls who were being deflowered by foreigners just for money. At first I had a few followers but as the movement against racial abuse and patronage gained momentum, I enrolled quite a number of locals many of whom were ladies. My sentiments are still echoed up to now in the region where promiscuity is still a mindboggling vice.

I am the daughter of an engineer and a lecturer mother. I received my first degree in Arts from The University of Nairobi before finally moving to pursue my Masters in Psychology and Behavioral Science from Orange State University in South Africa. I also pursued a long distance learning course for diploma in literature and short stories from United States International University (USIU).

I have written relationship and dating articles for local newsprints and magazines such as True Love, Parents, Drum and many other authoritative publications. I also write for blogs and have been writing for the past 10 years. Currently, I am writing my short story collection that summarizes my life, love and marriage with all its adventures.

I live in Nairobi, Kenya with my husband and three children. I lecture at Moi University while my husband runs his own companies. I love swimming, mountain climbing and camping especially where youths are involved.

by Rose

About the Author


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

1 × two =

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Back to Top ↑