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Published on November 17th, 2013 | by Rose


10 Stupid Dating Mistakes That Cost Me a Spouse

I will never lie that my dating life has been perfect in fact I think it’s one of the tumultuous ones I have ever seen. I have been in and out of relationships and dating arrangements but I have not quite managed to nail the right guy down. At times I take a break from all that; wash my brain and start afresh. I have tried correcting the mistakes that I have made but some of them have left deep scars in my conscience but you know I never pity myself, I just pick up every single bit of my crumbled cookie and move ahead.

It’s the joy of every woman to find a man that loves her and so is me… I mean am human and as such I have got fillings that at times need to be quenched through kisses and fondling of breasts. I may not understand you because we are different but here are some of the mistakes I have made that explain why I am still a single woman in search of love till today. You may not identify with some of them, you may think am stupid but well that’s just me. And by the way I do not promise to change because I have been trying for long with little if any fruits coming my way… I at times feel like I was made that way.

I Am Overly Jealous

Occasionally I tend to think that this is my second name. I hate it when I see my man talking to another woman. I guess my mind is wired that way…I usually feel lots of jealous and mistrust. The only thing I feel when I see him flirting with another man is just sex. I won’t lie on this but it has made me throw tantrums and end relationships I should never have ended. I just feel insecure and threatened when I see another lady take my place. If there has been a killer disease in my dating life, it has to be the lack of trust. I never even give a chance for them to explain the reason they acted the way they did. I usually treat explanations as ways of covering up.

I now slowly realize that jealous is an emotion that is really not necessary and that it just strains my mind. It has made me less productive over time and scared men away from me. Of course I would not have married all of them but I feel amongst the many of them, there was one who specifically was meant for me…I shattered it all. I however do not regret it but I just consider it one of traits that men have found to be a turn off with me.

I Have Not Been Giving My Partners Space

I don’t know whether to call myself over-possessive or just selfish. I find myself holding on to my potential mates so tight such that I hardly give them a breathing space and I feel that is somehow unfair  but I just cannot help it. I honestly care less if you are in a bad mood or not, I will just hold on tightly to you and tell you why you need to always think about me. I will forcibly share my issues with you and demand you listen to me. I have realized that this does not work with all men and that people need to be given space to exercise their own freedom. This has cost me a lot; both friends and potential dates. Men are not forced to open up; they are like the morning glory flower whose bud opens up when the season is right. I at least know that now…hope I will put it to constructive use.

I Let Myself Go

In the few or many relationships that I have ever been into, I have had this feeling of letting go. I conquer and relax and that has been me. I have had issue after issue trying to quarrel with men because they feel that the zeal and sexual energy is no longer there and on my side I feel that probably it is because they are cheating on me. I never learnt how to shave the hair on my legs because I felt that this man ought to love me the way I look. Let me let out this secret to all ladies out there that you gotta keep yourself in check. Do you hair work on your language and plug in to that relationship. This will keep your love burning and sex life hot.

My Focus Was All In the Relationship

My relationships have been the daily food that I take the sleep that I enjoy and basically they have been everything that I have ever thought of. Of course being the naïve woman that I was, I always thought that everything else should come secondary and you need to plunge into a relationship all legs in! This was a great thought then but I now realize that it was never a brilliant idea after all. The friends I lost were just so many and I honestly feel that I screwed myself up. The men I dated complained of being suffocated in the relationship but I was too busy to realize it. In this way I lost them…

Passive Aggression

I let out men to figure out what is wrong with me. I never feel that it is my duty to tell them what exactly angers me. I have instead been keeping quiet waiting for them to press me and figure out somehow what it is that makes me sad. Well this is a tradition that has been passed over to me by my grandparents and almost everyone in my family especially the ladies seem to suffer more from this. I do not take this as an excuse however because I strongly believe that I should have been able to tame it. I have built resentment and anger making the men in my life furious and it reaches a point where they just stop caring and start fighting back instead. I know that I have at times bruised them unfairly and they deserve an apology wherever they are.

Talk Of the Nagging Spouse and am Here

Well, may be nagging is not the way to put it across because am a lot worse than that. I believed in perfection and I expected nothing less from the people I was dating. I kept on telling them what they are not doing right, what they ought to do that will make them look straight. I just saw the small bit in the other person’s eye and not the log in my own. Had there been an in-house competition on the topic of nagging, I think naturally I could have emerged the best of them all. On this one I cannot say I inherited but I think I just developed it out of personal selfishness…but hey am not saying that this is a confession; am just letting it out. I have started incorporating some positive changes in my life and I usually say statements like this, ‘I just love it when you…’

Never Appreciative

Do I sound plastic? I guess I do not. Am only telling you what has been eating me up. When good things are brought my way, I just assume that it is my right anyway. I rarely see the sacrifice that the other person has made getting me all that. I always want to be appreciated instead for the little things that I do. In my life it has never been a two-way-traffic, my lane I thought had to be the busy one always. I remember one of the men I dated told me on the face that he was tired of my selfishness. I was of course angered at the time but now I realize that I should have taken that as a wakeup call.

My Grouchy Girlfriend Syndrome

Do not get me wrong by the way; I am very positive in life. It is only that am having a side thorn that ruins this good side of me. I do not know how men have taken it but it seems am always having a bad day. My moods are unpredictable; they just swing from left to right. This has made my life and those of the ones I love terrible. I pick a fight even where there seems to be no need for that. Male friends have always complained about this trait in me but as always, I have told them to get a life.

I Have Spent Time Changing Him

Am not sure whether it is natural or just I who keeps on seeing flaws in the men I date. This has made me spend countless times trying to change him. This has not only drained me but I think it has given me a different focus that had led into the destructive end of the relationships I have ever had. Do not misconstrue me; I am not like that now. I have taken an absolutely different turn at least from this habit. Date me now and you will see. At times I would literally fight over everything…picking of wrong shoes or staying out late from work.

Not Playing the Song He Wants To Hear

There is music that a spouse or potential mate loves to hear and this is the music of the soul. They need someone to pamper them and tell them just how much they are loved. I think I have not been there for the men I have dated. I have been just up and about but not giving them exactly what they ask for. To the lucky ones, we have had a one night stand but that was it; no feelings of love thereafter.

To the next man who will date me, I will try to be more compassionate and loving. Doing all things that I did not do right just to have him and keep him.

by Rose

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